I was sitting on a luggage trolley at the airport, on our way to Goa for Valentine’s Day, watching my husband move through the chaos of bags, boarding passes, and rental car calls. I remember feeling completely relaxed, happy, and if I’m being honest – a little like a travel princess 👑.
And that’s when the thought hit me.
For all the conversations we have today about independence and equality, there are still moments where traditional roles feel comforting. There are still things many of us quietly expect our partners to do. Not because we can’t do them ourselves, but because somewhere deep within us, those gestures still feel natural.
As someone who believes strongly in equality, that realization made me pause.
Was this simply partnership?
Or was I leaning into a norm because it was convenient?
Patriarchy, after all, isn’t just something that exists outside us. It is embedded in culture, upbringing, and often in our own expectations — sometimes so subtly that we don’t even notice it. No matter how independent or strong a woman becomes, there are still moments where traditional dynamics resurface, not as oppression, but as comfort.
And that is where the confusion begins.
Because somewhere between empowerment and expectation, the lines of feminism today have started to blur.
Are we misunderstanding feminism? Or are we simply redefining it in ways we haven’t fully examined yet?
The Travel Princess Paradox: Are We Misunderstanding Feminism?
I was sitting on a luggage trolley at the airport, on our way to Goa for Valentine’s Day, watching my husband move through the chaos of bags, boarding passes, and rental car calls. I remember feeling completely relaxed, happy, and if I’m being honest – a little like a travel princess 👑.
And that’s when the thought hit me.
For all the conversations we have today about independence and equality, there are still moments where traditional roles feel comforting. There are still things many of us quietly expect our partners to do. Not because we can’t do them ourselves, but because somewhere deep within us, those gestures still feel natural.
As someone who believes strongly in equality, that realization made me pause.
Was this simply partnership?
Or was I leaning into a norm because it was convenient?
Patriarchy, after all, isn’t just something that exists outside us. It is embedded in culture, upbringing, and often in our own expectations — sometimes so subtly that we don’t even notice it. No matter how independent or strong a woman becomes, there are still moments where traditional dynamics resurface, not as oppression, but as comfort.
And that is where the confusion begins.
Because somewhere between empowerment and expectation, the lines of feminism today have started to blur.
Are we misunderstanding feminism? Or are we simply redefining it in ways we haven’t fully examined yet?
💭 Feminism, Equality, and the Conversations We Avoid
Feminism means different things to different people today, and that is exactly where the confusion begins.
This is not an argument against feminism. If anything, it is an attempt to return to what feminism originally stood for — equality, dignity, and fairness — and to question whether somewhere along the way we have started redefining it in ways that contradict its original purpose.
Because today, feminism is no longer one shared idea. It has become many interpretations of the same word, and not all of them mean the same thing.
📖 The Different Layers of Feminism
Feminism did not emerge all at once. It evolved in response to real inequalities of its time.
The first wave of feminism focused on legal rights, especially the right to vote and property rights, ensuring that women were recognized as equal citizens under the law.
The second wave expanded the conversation to workplace equality, financial independence, reproductive rights, and the freedom to exist beyond strictly domestic roles.
The third wave challenged stereotypes and rigid definitions of womanhood. It emphasized individual choice, identity, and the idea that women could define femininity and success on their own terms rather than through social expectations.
Today, we often refer to a fourth wave shaped largely by digital spaces. This phase focuses on representation, digital activism, harassment awareness, and equality in opportunity and perception.
And this is where the conversation becomes more complicated, because equality was never meant to become dominance. It was meant to remove dominance altogether.
🧠 The Reality We Come From
For centuries, societies across the world were structured around male dominance. Men were often seen as decision-makers and leaders, while women were expected to operate within defined roles.
Even today, many of these assumptions exist quietly in the background.
A personal example made this very clear to me. I once asked ChatGPT to create a caricature of me as a consultant. It was not my first interaction, and the system already knew I was a woman from previous conversations. Yet the caricature generated was of a man.
The explanation was simple. It reflected what a “typical consultant” looks like based on existing patterns.
And that is exactly the point.
Bias today is rarely intentional. It is inherited. Technology learns from society, and society still associates certain roles with certain genders. Feminism, at its best, questions these invisible assumptions, not to assign blame, but to expand what we consider normal.
⚖️ Effort, Expectations, and Double Standards
Equality becomes most interesting when it enters everyday situations.
A common argument in modern conversations is that men should pay on the first date because women put more effort into getting ready — makeup, clothes, or preparation. But effort is subjective.
A man, too, may be giving up comfort, personal time, or leisure, making the effort to show up presentable, planning the evening, and investing energy into the interaction. Effort simply looks different from each side.
The question here is not about money. It is about consistency.
If equality means shared independence and shared responsibility, then traditional expectations deserve to be questioned as well. Otherwise, we risk keeping the parts of tradition that benefit us while rejecting the parts that don’t.
🔍 The Problem With Selective Equality
Modern conversations sometimes turn equality into convenience, applying it where it benefits us and ignoring it where it doesn’t.
But equality cannot be situational. It cannot mean equal opportunity in careers but traditional expectations in relationships. It cannot mean rejecting stereotypes in one context while reinforcing them in another.
The intention here is not to criticize women or men individually, but to recognize how deeply social conditioning shapes all of us.
🌿 So What Is Feminism, Really?
At its core, feminism was never about proving that women are better than men. It was about ensuring that gender does not determine opportunity, respect, or value.
Perhaps what feminism needs today is not reinvention, but clarity — a reminder that empowerment does not come from reversing dominance, but from removing it entirely.
✅ A Simple Framework Going Forward
Maybe feminism today can be as simple as this.
For women, seek equality, not advantage. Value competence over validation. Challenge stereotypes, even the ones that benefit us.
For men, support equality without feeling threatened by it. Share responsibility without losing identity. Recognize that fairness strengthens relationships, not weakens them.
💬 Breaking the Bubble
Feminism began as a fight for dignity and fairness. That fight still matters.
But for it to remain meaningful, we need honest conversations, even uncomfortable ones.
Because equality was never meant to divide us. It was meant to make space for everyone.
Maybe feminism today isn’t about having all the answers. Maybe it’s about being honest enough to question our own expectations too.
Because sometimes equality isn’t about doing everything ourselves. Sometimes it’s about understanding why certain things still make us feel cared for.
And maybe that conversation is still evolving. I would love to hear what you think.