A Conversation About Raising Boys, Girls, and the Men We Marry
At a party, someone said patriarchy shouldn’t be completely destroyed. Another said men are biologically better at certain things. Someone asked if equality means women must drill sewage like men do.
And suddenly, what felt like a philosophical debate felt personal. Like someone was running towards me to slap me with these “Normal Statements”.
Because in that moment the real question wasn’t about mining.
It’s about power.
What People Actually Mean When They Defend Patriarchy
Most people defending patriarchy aren’t defending oppression. They are defending something quieter — structure, predictability, the comfort of knowing who does what.
There in something that they fear more than inequality – Chaos
This is important.
Because if we don’t acknowledge that, we lose people.
The Confusion Between Hierarchy and Polarity
There is a difference.
Hierarchy says one gender is inherently superior. But Polarity is about different roles chosen freely.
Travel Princess energy is polarity – if it is chosen.
It becomes patriarchy when it is expected. It defines my worth and limits my capabilities
Be careful because the behaviour may look the same.
The power behind it is not.
Biology vs Superiority
Coming back to can a woman do everything a man does:
Okay I agree, on average:
Men may have greater upper-body strength.
Women may process emotion differently.
But physical advantage in mining does not equal moral superiority in society.
The leap from “stronger” to “should lead” is ideological, not scientific.
The Real Fear
When some men resist equality, it’s not because women can’t do things.
It’s because for some removing inequality = removing guaranteed status.
Imagine a man whose identity is built on: “I am above.”
Obviously equality feels like loss.
Not fairness. Loss.
This Is Not a Competition of Suffering
Every time we speak about women’s oppression, someone says:
“But men suffer too.”
And they’re not wrong.
Men are crushed under expectations to provide. Their worth is measured in income. Unemployment is humiliation. Vulnerability is weakness. Emotional silence is masculinity.
That pressure is real.
But here is the distinction we refuse to blur:
Men are pressured by role.Women are restricted by risk.
A man may be shamed for failing to earn. A woman may be harmed for trying to live.
A man’s value is tied to productivity. A woman’s value is tied to obedience.
A man is told to be strong. A woman is told to be small.
These are not identical burdens.
When a man loses his job, society questions his capability. When a woman rejects a proposal, society questions her character. When a man cries, he is mocked. When a woman speaks, she is silenced.
Both are dehumanizing. But only one regularly comes with the threat of bodily harm.
And About “False Cases”
Yes, false allegations exist. Yes, they ruin lives. Yes, men deserve protection and due process.
But using rare misuse to silence widespread violence is not balance. It is deflection.
For every headline about a false case, there are thousands of unreported assaults, normalized marital abuse, dowry deaths, forces marriages, and everyday harassment that never become debates.
I have been touched on almost all my body parts “by mistake” — because it’s crowded. Sure. I can say with strong conviction that those few men wouldn’t have left any girl alone. Ask ANY woman and she will have gone through something traumatic. And trust me – no level of education, success or power can save a girl from these “crowded places” in our world.
Fear of accusation is not the same as fear of attack.
One is social risk. The other is physical vulnerability.
We can care about both. But we cannot pretend they weigh the same.
The Real Enemy Is Not Men
The real enemy is a system that teaches:
Men: Do not cry. Do not fail. Do not depend. Do not feel.
Women: Do not argue. Do not desire. Do not age. Do not exist too loudly.
Patriarchy does not mean “men are evil.”
It means gender roles are cages.
Men are punished for weakness. Women are punished for autonomy.
That is the difference.
We live in a cycle of deflection. When a woman speaks of her fear, she is met with ‘Not All Men.’ When a man speaks of his silent struggle, he is told to ‘Man Up’ or that his pain is ‘secondary.’ By refusing to see the victim on the ‘other side,’ we allow the system to keep us both in cages. We protect the status quo by refusing to protect each other.
The Part We Don’t Talk About Enough
Crimes against women are real. Crimes against men are real.
But what’s dangerous is how quickly people pick sides.
Some dismiss women’s suffering as exaggeration. Others dismiss men’s pain as irrelevant.
And in that divide, the real problem survives.
Because the moment we start defending one and ignoring the other, we stop looking at the system creating both.
The enemy is not men. The enemy is not women.
It’s the thinking that says one must be less for the other to feel more.
So Should We Preserve 25%?
Not patriarchy.
But perhaps we preserve:
Responsibility.
Protection without dominance.
Provision without control.
Strength without superiority.
Softness without submission.
We don’t need hierarchy.
We need evolved partnership.
Also, if you enjoyed Read my take on “Feminism” here
Raising Boys and Girls
Not scripts.
Not roles.
But awareness.
Teach boys:
You don’t have to prove strength by suppressing emotion. You don’t have to dominate to lead.
Teach girls:
You don’t have to reject softness to be respected. You don’t have to shrink to be loved.
Destroying patriarchy does not mean destroying masculinity.
It means removing entitlement.
It means no one’s worth is decided at birth.
And that shouldn’t threaten anyone who feels secure in who they are.
On a Personal Note
I can debate structures. I can separate biology from hierarchy. I can sit in rooms and argue about evolution and mining and boardrooms.
But there is one thing I cannot intellectualize.
I will never forgive patriarchy for separating married daughters from their parents.
For normalizing the idea that a daughter “belongs” elsewhere once she marries.
For making parents feel guilty about accepting help from their own child because she is now “someone else’s responsibility.”
For teaching fathers to hesitate before taking money from the daughter they raised.
For teaching mothers to say, “Don’t interfere too much now, it’s her new home.”
For subtly training girls to build a new family and quietly step back from the one that built them.
No law may say this explicitly. But culture does.
We don’t question why a married daughter cannot move her parents in easily. We don’t question why her loyalty is tested differently. We don’t question why emotional migration is expected only one way.
And that is where patriarchy stops being abstract.
It becomes personal.
It becomes the quiet sadness in a father’s voice when he says, “It’s okay beta, don’t worry about us.”
It becomes the guilt a daughter feels when she splits her time.
It becomes the invisible expectation that love must now be redistributed.
I will not forgive that.
Not because I hate men.
Not because I reject partnership.
But because no system that asks a daughter to shrink her bond with her parents to prove her loyalty deserves preservation.
If equality means anything to me, it means a daughter remains a daughter.
Fully.
Without guilt. Without negotiation. Without reduced belonging.
Should We Preserve 25% of Patriarchy?
A Conversation About Raising Boys, Girls, and the Men We Marry
At a party, someone said patriarchy shouldn’t be completely destroyed. Another said men are biologically better at certain things. Someone asked if equality means women must drill sewage like men do.
And suddenly, what felt like a philosophical debate felt personal. Like someone was running towards me to slap me with these “Normal Statements”.
Because in that moment the real question wasn’t about mining.
It’s about power.
What People Actually Mean When They Defend Patriarchy
Most people defending patriarchy aren’t defending oppression. They are defending something quieter — structure, predictability, the comfort of knowing who does what.
There in something that they fear more than inequality – Chaos
This is important.
Because if we don’t acknowledge that, we lose people.
The Confusion Between Hierarchy and Polarity
There is a difference.
Hierarchy says one gender is inherently superior. But Polarity is about different roles chosen freely.
Travel Princess energy is polarity – if it is chosen.
It becomes patriarchy when it is expected. It defines my worth and limits my capabilities
Be careful because the behaviour may look the same.
The power behind it is not.
Biology vs Superiority
Coming back to can a woman do everything a man does:
Okay I agree, on average:
Men may have greater upper-body strength.
Women may process emotion differently.
But physical advantage in mining does not equal moral superiority in society.
The leap from “stronger” to “should lead” is ideological, not scientific.
The Real Fear
When some men resist equality, it’s not because women can’t do things.
It’s because for some removing inequality = removing guaranteed status.
Imagine a man whose identity is built on: “I am above.”
Obviously equality feels like loss.
Not fairness. Loss.
This Is Not a Competition of Suffering
Every time we speak about women’s oppression, someone says:
“But men suffer too.”
And they’re not wrong.
Men are crushed under expectations to provide. Their worth is measured in income. Unemployment is humiliation. Vulnerability is weakness. Emotional silence is masculinity.
That pressure is real.
But here is the distinction we refuse to blur:
Men are pressured by role. Women are restricted by risk.
A man may be shamed for failing to earn. A woman may be harmed for trying to live.
A man’s value is tied to productivity. A woman’s value is tied to obedience.
A man is told to be strong. A woman is told to be small.
These are not identical burdens.
When a man loses his job, society questions his capability. When a woman rejects a proposal, society questions her character. When a man cries, he is mocked. When a woman speaks, she is silenced.
Both are dehumanizing. But only one regularly comes with the threat of bodily harm.
And About “False Cases”
Yes, false allegations exist.
Yes, they ruin lives.
Yes, men deserve protection and due process.
But using rare misuse to silence widespread violence is not balance. It is deflection.
For every headline about a false case, there are thousands of unreported assaults, normalized marital abuse, dowry deaths, forces marriages, and everyday harassment that never become debates.
I have been touched on almost all my body parts “by mistake” — because it’s crowded. Sure. I can say with strong conviction that those few men wouldn’t have left any girl alone. Ask ANY woman and she will have gone through something traumatic. And trust me – no level of education, success or power can save a girl from these “crowded places” in our world.
Fear of accusation is not the same as fear of attack.
One is social risk. The other is physical vulnerability.
We can care about both. But we cannot pretend they weigh the same.
The Real Enemy Is Not Men
The real enemy is a system that teaches:
Men: Do not cry. Do not fail. Do not depend. Do not feel.
Women: Do not argue. Do not desire. Do not age. Do not exist too loudly.
Patriarchy does not mean “men are evil.”
It means gender roles are cages.
Men are punished for weakness. Women are punished for autonomy.
That is the difference.
The Part We Don’t Talk About Enough
Crimes against women are real.
Crimes against men are real.
But what’s dangerous is how quickly people pick sides.
Some dismiss women’s suffering as exaggeration.
Others dismiss men’s pain as irrelevant.
And in that divide, the real problem survives.
Because the moment we start defending one and ignoring the other,
we stop looking at the system creating both.
The enemy is not men.
The enemy is not women.
It’s the thinking that says one must be less for the other to feel more.
So Should We Preserve 25%?
Not patriarchy.
But perhaps we preserve:
Responsibility.
Protection without dominance.
Provision without control.
Strength without superiority.
Softness without submission.
We don’t need hierarchy.
We need evolved partnership.
Also, if you enjoyed Read my take on “Feminism” here
Raising Boys and Girls
Not scripts.
Not roles.
But awareness.
Teach boys:
You don’t have to prove strength by suppressing emotion.
You don’t have to dominate to lead.
Teach girls:
You don’t have to reject softness to be respected.
You don’t have to shrink to be loved.
Destroying patriarchy does not mean destroying masculinity.
It means removing entitlement.
It means no one’s worth is decided at birth.
And that shouldn’t threaten anyone who feels secure in who they are.
On a Personal Note
I can debate structures. I can separate biology from hierarchy. I can sit in rooms and argue about evolution and mining and boardrooms.
But there is one thing I cannot intellectualize.
I will never forgive patriarchy for separating married daughters from their parents.
For normalizing the idea that a daughter “belongs” elsewhere once she marries.
For making parents feel guilty about accepting help from their own child because she is now “someone else’s responsibility.”
For teaching fathers to hesitate before taking money from the daughter they raised.
For teaching mothers to say, “Don’t interfere too much now, it’s her new home.”
For subtly training girls to build a new family and quietly step back from the one that built them.
No law may say this explicitly. But culture does.
We don’t question why a married daughter cannot move her parents in easily. We don’t question why her loyalty is tested differently. We don’t question why emotional migration is expected only one way.
And that is where patriarchy stops being abstract.
It becomes personal.
It becomes the quiet sadness in a father’s voice when he says, “It’s okay beta, don’t worry about us.”
It becomes the guilt a daughter feels when she splits her time.
It becomes the invisible expectation that love must now be redistributed.
I will not forgive that.
Not because I hate men.
Not because I reject partnership.
But because no system that asks a daughter to shrink her bond with her parents to prove her loyalty deserves preservation.
If equality means anything to me, it means a daughter remains a daughter.
Fully.
Without guilt. Without negotiation. Without reduced belonging.
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